I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Randomize
