people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
