Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
