I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
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