we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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