I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Randomize
