Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize