i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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