he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Randomize
