yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
17 year olds will be the death of me.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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