I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
