i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
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