My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
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