I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
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