He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
