I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Randomize
