i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
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