On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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