She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
