Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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