he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Randomize
