Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize