Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
