i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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