Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
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