when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I have aggressive nipples.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
