i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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