They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
