I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
