All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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