Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Randomize
