I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
