my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Why is there bacon in the couch?
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
