No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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