somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Randomize
