"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
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