So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Randomize
