A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Terrible idea I love it
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
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