R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
