Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize