I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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