I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
