why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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