I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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