I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
someone owes me an orgasm
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize
