Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
