11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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