i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
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