Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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