we have pet lesbian snakes
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
