is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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