tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
you made out with another girl for some wings
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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