he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
