You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
