The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Randomize
