So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I said "one day" and that day is not today
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
