I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
