I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
