She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
