I love black thongs
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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