i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I will pee on everything he values.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Randomize
