Define "chronic" masturbator.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
