best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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