Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I have feelings that need drinking.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
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