is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
