my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
