god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize