sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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