I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Randomize
