I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
