I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Randomize
