Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
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