Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
