If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize