Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
