I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
