it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Randomize
