Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
