how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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